In a swift and decisive action out of the NASCAR hauler Thursday morning at Bristol, NASCAR President Mike Helton issued a decree banning all office pools for the NCAA basketball tournament.  Citing safety issues and perceived impropriety Helton forbade any pools for the tournament and is considering banning pools for the entire season.

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While big brother Kurt Busch was spending a rain soaked weekend waiting to try his hand at drag racing in the NHRA Gatornationals last weekend, younger brother Kyle Busch was suiting up for a drag race of his own.

“I simply think it devine that we have such an accomplished, dashing and handsome young treat like Kyle trying his hand at drag racing,” said Crew Chief for Kyle Busch’s Drag Team Miss Lady Fantasma.  “I just have to keep telling myself, he wants to try his hand at drag racing not have his hands tied by tying Miss Lady Fantasma!  Mmm, mmm, mmm!  Forgive me but it’s so easy for me to get carried away.”

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After pulling to an 8^th place finish at Atlanta Motor Speedway on Sunday, Greg Biffle, the driver of the #16 Census 2010 Ford climbed from his car and immediately switched from NASCAR driver to spokesman for his new sponsor.

“Boy o boy could I sure go for an ice cold Census 2010 right about now,” exclaimed the Biff.  “This was a hard fought top ten and I lost more than a few electrolytes out there.  Good thing Census 2010 is the only energy drink out there with 2010 electrolytes that my system needs.”

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Carl Edwards incurred one of the harshest penalties NASCAR can deliver yesterday when race series official handed down a punishment of three weeks prohibition for the reckless driving that flipped the car of Brad Keselowski in Sundays race at Atlanta.

The decision won immediate approval from Keselowski fans, including G. Whillikers, who said, “Oh, snap!  In your face, Concrete Carl.  Three weeks of prohibition…. that is seer eee yus.  Three weeks without hooch is like three weeks without air, and believe me when I tells you your brain will know the difference.” [Read more →]

Carl Edwards flipped the 12 car of Brad Keselowski in an ugly conclusion to a weekend that saw the Columbia, MO, driver lose his temper multiple times.  The series of unfortunate events began much earlier, however, as Edwards spiraled out of control.

The NASCAR star got his weekend off to a bad start in a fancy Atlanta restaurant, where he ordered french fries but was served something called pomme frites.  Edwards reacted to the slight by flipping over his table.  For his transgression, the driver was called into the restaurant’s coat room for a stern talking to by culinary officials.

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Danica Patrick’s third outing in NASCAR’s Nationwide Series may have ended prematurely thanks to an on track run in with Michael McDowell but Patrick’s camp is calling Saturday’s race a success because she gains experience with each and every lap.

“We are seeing a ton of improvement with Danica,” said Ronald “Stiffy” Hamilton, race coach for the #7 Go Daddy Chevrolet.  “The lessons she is learning out there on the track far outweigh anything I can tell her here in the garage.  There have been a few times where she’s been in a situation that I never would have dreamed to tell her about.  That’s why we put such a premium on race experience.  Thanks to [Kevin] Harvick, Danica learned one of the most important things about racing in NASCAR.”

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Yellow caution lights unexpectedly flashed during the Sprint Cup race in Las Vegas on Sunday to bring out the sixth caution of the day.  NASCAR initially said there was no explanation for the interruption in the race, but quickly backtracked when it was discovered that an employee in the control room was inadvertently leaning on the caution light switch. [Read more →]

Ryan Newman fans excited to witness his first foray into show business will have to wait a little bit longer as the driver announced that his first Las Vegas stage show will be postponed.  The New-Man Group stage production was scheduled to open to the public Friday night at O’Sheas Hotel and Casino located on the world famous strip.  Until the last minute cancellation the show was generating a lot of buzz around the entertainment capital of the world.

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The #87 FrontRowJoe.Com Toyota was, as they say in the NASCAR garage, bad fast.  Joe Nemechek’s face peeled back from the amount of speed and g force pushing back on his face.  It was like his cheeks were reaching for his ears just to have something to hold on to.  His car hadn’t performed like this in a long while.  Although he knew it was bad luck, Nemechek thought to himself, ‘I could actually finish in the top 40 this week.’  Almost immediately things began to take a turn for the worse.  The car seemed to be spinning out of control.  With all his might Nemechek tried to right the ship.  Sweat poured down his face.  Nausea set in.  Finally the #87 pulled from the track after only completing 48 laps.  Equipment failure?  Nemechek wishes.  His body had failed him.  Yet another week of succumbing to car sickness.

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Two great men proved two things yesterday that are nothing more than a testament to their greatness.  One proved that a fifth straight Sprint Cup Championship is forthcoming and another, in a much more impressive feat, wrested control of the Black Flagged Online Fantasy NASCAR League much earlier than anyone expected and I’m calling it right now, his first championship.  But you sour grapers and sore losers will probably say, it’s a long season Otis, you shouldn’t hang your hat on one week.  I can understand that in an open and fair league but this is not one of those.  I’m closing the league.  The Championship is mine.  Congratulate me.  I did what Dan Beaver could never do.  I am the Greg Biffle of the BFO Fantasy League, dominant, determined and destined for victory.  You may all feel free to consider yourselves the Joe Nemecheks of the league.

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With a baby on the way any moment, Carl Edwards has put Erik Darnell on notice that he may have to fill in as driver of the #99 Aflac Ford Fusion at Auto Club Speedway on Sunday should Edwards have to head home.  The decision, well received by most drivers and fans, was met with confusion by members of the Waltrip family.

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By Harley “Splash and Go” Coe

After the weekend that NASCAR calls the “Super Bowl of Racing” one thing is for sure, Bobby Labonte is better than four time defending champion Jimmie Johnson and perennial race for the chase participant Tony Stewart.  Look folks, don’t get mad at Ol’ Harley, I’m just stating the facts.  The proof is in the puddin’, just look at the standings!  Bobby Labonte sits in 21^st place in the Sprint Cup Standings while Tony Stewart and Jimmie Johnson sit in 23^rd and 35^th respectively.  Simple math, Bobby Labonte is better.

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I am a sore loser.  Not because I can’t handle losing.  It’s much deeper than that.  Not only can I not handle losing, I handle it very poorly.  What happens when I lose?  I punish myself.  Severely.  Since the end of last Fantasy NASCAR Season, after I took an epic fall from the top to finish mid-pack, it’s been nothing but physical punishment for me.  16 lashes a day in honor of racing’s greatest hero, Greg Biffle.  I like a little variety so I would use something different to whip myself every single day, a hanger, belt, rope, Indiana Jones whip, banana peels, just about anything I could find lying around the house.  All of this punishment was done to remind me that only losers lose just like my old man always told me.  But today, I am a better man and fully equiped to whip the living heck out of each and every one of you foolish enough to jump in this fantasy league.  I oughta do the right thing and just limit it to myself so nobody else gets hurt but what fun would that be? [Read more →]

Unable to negotiate a contract with Fox Sports for his on air appearances during NASCAR broadcasts this season, Digger, the beloved NASCAR loving groundhog, found himself suddenly out of work for the 2010 NASCAR season.  Although Digger will not be employed or financially compensated by Fox, the network still owns the rights to Digger’s likeness and has announced that they will still use his image during their programming.

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There was quite a bit of buzz around NASCAR’s intention to make racing more exciting as the Daytona 500 approached.  Would drivers beat able to beat and bang without fear of punishment from a heavy handed NASCAR?  Absolutely.  If a driver loses his cool and throws his helmet at another race car will he be dragged off to the NASCAR Hauler never to be heard from again?  Probably not.  NASCAR wants its drivers to be themselves.  Unpolished and unrefined.

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