NASCAR fans who accidentally tuned in to the real news this week happened across a great idea for planning their last wills and testaments.  Pop icon Michael Jackson, who willed the care of his children to either his mother or to Diana Ross, unsuspectingly gave hundreds of rednecks a great idea. [Read more →]

Everyone knows the Gillette “Young Guns.”   A youthful bunch of fun loving NASCAR drivers united by their enthusiasm for shaving and generous financial support from Gillette.  The Young Guns inspire young men everywhere who can’t wait to take that sharp Gillette Fusion Power blade to their face and free them from the embarrassing yet empowering symbol of manhood manifested by that sparse landscape of whiskers littering their upper lips.  The Gillette Young Guns symbolize the rebellious nature of young men and sends the message that shaving not be feared, in part due to Fusion Power technology, but shaving should be embraced. [Read more →]

Ever been stuck in the parking lot after a NASCAR race?  Of course you have.  Well race car drivers are no different.  After spending hours in their cars logging laps and miles, NASCAR drivers and their haulers generally put in a couple more hours trying to navigate their way from the track.  The obvious exception are those drivers with the purse strings that allow for helicopters to whisk them above the masses lined up in their cars for miles and those that leave the race early.  Of course when we say leave the race early, that applies to those people that leave the race itself with those three little letters next to their names, DNF. [Read more →]

For years scholars and mechanics have debated the age-old question, “If comic book superheroes were NASCAR drivers, who would be the best?”  Alllefturns.com stacked up the best superheroes and conducted an exhaustive series of scientific tests to determine this ranking. Enjoy!

http://www.allleftturns.com/best-comic-book-superhero-race-car-drivers

Kyle Busch is usually a contender on NASCAR’s road courses, but the ace driver was reportedly upset with his brand-new Transformers car at Sonoma on Sunday.

“It transformed all right,” said fan “Destin” Dave Franklean, “transformed right into a piece of crap.”

Having seen the trailer for Transformers 2, Destin Dave fully expected a different result from the 18 car.

“I thought Kyle would get one of those front-end diamond-bit drills out and tunnel under the uphill part of the track, or something cool.  I mean, the only thing the front end of that car did on Sunday was crumple like Joe Theisman against a four-man rush.” [Read more →]

Construction at the NASCAR Hall of Fame is well underway, and NASCAR fans have a unique opportunity to help build the new hallowed halls for motorsports’ greatest series.  Fan reaction has not been strong, however, to the chance to sponsor a brick in the Jeff Gordon Pavillion. [Read more →]

Knowing that race fans are always looking for something new and different, Michigan International Speedway upped the ante for fan giveaways this weekend.  Television viewers may have noticed a lot of empty-looking bleachers in Turn 4, Turn 2, and Turn 3 at the track on Sunday, but raceway officials say that’s only due to the fact that most of the first 25,000 fans to the raceway sat in those sections with their super-groovy MIS “invisibility cloak.” [Read more →]

Check out the cool video at allleftturns.com of Brian Vickers making a pit stop in Times Square.

http://www.allleftturns.com/pit-stop-times-square

You’ve heard of Citizen Soldiers, and here’s your chance to be a Citizen Journalist… which is like a Citizen Soldier, with fewer guns, comfier bunks, and no sand in your butt-crack.

NASCAR is offering up access to its raceday inner workings to bloggers, online editors, and other people who cover NASCAR of their own volition.  This, of course, caught our interest, and we immediately began tabulating our possible windfall of free race tickets.  Not so fast, Brian France tells us in his press release: “The Citizen Journalists will be selected as part of a review process including: professionalism, reporting and commentary, use of social networking tools.”

Dang.

If only the criteria had read: “lack of professionalism, totally fabricated reporting and commentary, and use of Mike Helton’s moustache as a metaphor for Mike Helton – that’s called a synechdoche, folks!”

But our misfortune is your potential winning lottery ticket.  Since so many of the web’s Citizen Journalists blow through here on Friday afternoon, we sure wanted to help you get the chance to sniff Casey Mears’ firesuit or tackle a NASCAR official for your blog entry entitled “What Happens When You Tackle a NASCAR Official.”  Enquiring minds want to know.

In the meantime, NASCAR isn’t going to stop up with its dastardly plan.  We’ll be here reporting NASCAR news in the same reliable, timely, honest tradition of web journalism you’ve come to know and trust; we’ll be here making it up.

Read the Official Release from the desk of Brian France here:  http://www.nascar.com/2009/news/headlines/official/06/02/citizen.journalists/index.html

So there’s this report out there about Jeremy Mayfield’s positive drug test and what the drugs were and all that stuff.  Turns out, according to ESPN, that drug was meth.  I’m no expert but from what I do know, that’s some pretty serious stuff like make your teeth fall out bad and that’s the best thing that happens. 

Say this does turn out to be true, what could have been going through his head?  Maybe these things: [Read more →]

Montoya, Andretti, Kurt Busch and Kyle Petty,

Labonte, Jeff Burton – they want to race, that’s certain.

Newman, Logano, baby, you and I know…

Off Route One Fifteen

There’s a place called Pocono

That’s where you want to go

To get away from the wall.

[Read more →]

Every now and again we will post some articles from the good folks over at All Left Turns.  They post some funny stuff, check them out at http://www.allleftturns.com/

This week they share our passion for hating Digger!!!!

http://www.allleftturns.com/die-digger-die-kids-coloring-contest

Greg Biffle chatted on ESPN.com this morning via the magic of the intertubes:  http://proxy.espn.go.com/chat/chatESPN?event_id=26817.  We make no secret here at Black Flagged Online that we think Biffle drinks gasoline for breakfast and has to shave 9 times a day because he is such a man, except his back because he uses his back hair as a means of discouraging unwanted advances from wild animals.  For future reference, should you find yourself in the woods with Biffle and a bear attacks don’t scream.  Biffle will simply curl his back and make his back hair stand on end.  By all means do not run.  The bear will be quite clear on his chances for enjoying a quick meal and will most decidedly steer clear of Biffle.  If you are running away you are fleeing the safety Biffle provides. [Read more →]

My name is Wally Dallenbach and this may sound absurd

But I’m fixin’to get busy and flex my skills wit da words

Best dust off the microphone and iron your jorts

I be bustin’ in your livin’ room live thanks to TNT Sports

Once I made my livin’ drivin’ pimped out race cars

Now it’s Wally’s World and ladies taking laps with big stars

Basalt Colorado is the place I call home

I be blindin’ the dentist my grill so full of chrome [Read more →]

Don’t cry for Tony Eury Jr., getting fired from Hendrick Motorsports is the best thing that ever happened to him according to the former crew chief and cousin of Dale Earnhardt Jr.  Eury Jr. was fired unceremoniously from his plum crew chief job when Earnhardt Jr.’s performance failed to match the high standards put on his teams by owner Rick Hendrick.  According to those closest to him, the buffet staff at the Mooresville NC Golden Corral, Eury Jr. is finally free to step out of the shadow of his superstar cousin and finally make a name for himself. [Read more →]