Coonhound Corner resident and noted drinking man Furley Tatternatter late last night informed his wife Elvira that she has officially fallen out of his top 35 in owner points. Outside his favorite watering hole, The Wagon Wheel, Furley firmly informed her, “It’s Time to Go or Go Home.”

Mrs. Tatternatter is petitioning their local place of worship for a champion’s exemption for next weekend based on a reckless night of getting it on which took place during Pocono Weekend in the Spring of 1985.

Local expert on their relationship, Cletus Ratt, thinks that will only serve as a temporary fix. “She’s really going to have to put in the lap time to keep her place on the circuit. Mrs. Tatternatter used to be a performance machine. I mean you could hear her purring on the other side of the Wagon Wheel even if the band was halfway into its fourth or fifth performance of Sweet Home.”

Ratt went on to describe how the Mrs. has been outpaced by the competition: “Now she’s got a banged-up body. She’s rusty. And she’s meaner than a muskrat making love to a bear trap. Let’s face it, a light frame has a lot to do with a woman’s success out there. Her team needs to get her on the lift and find out what’s slowing her down.”

Furley Tatternatter says that, unfortunately, there is nothing he can do about the situation with his wife. “Rules are rules. Last night at the tavern, a middle-aged woman who just moved here came in. Not too much eye make-up. Pulls cherries off the stem with her teeth. Elvira was doing ok when there were only 34 other ladies in town, but this new entry means she’s going to have to work to make the field.”