A special report from Lance “French Tickler” and Frederick “Butter Cup” Witherspoon, NASCAR’s Most Fabulous Reporting Duo
Recently, two drivers (who will remain nameless) were brought into the NASCAR hauler by NASCAR President Mike Helton for an incident on the track. One of the more astute NASCAR officials in the meeting noticed that one of the drivers had a bulge in the posterior section of his uniform. Suspecting a rules violation, the official did a more involved search and found the driver to be wearing women’s undergarments.
“The bulge, in effect was that of a case in which we have seen before in which driver’s Panties were in a Bunch” said the NASCAR official. In an interesting twist, the other driver involved in the incident admitted that he too, for “comfort and the feeling of sexiness” was wearing female undergarments.
After multiple inquires to drivers, it was revealed that almost 75% of the drivers in fact wear ladies unmentionables. The reason most given? “More comfortable during the long races rather than tightey whities.”
These are not your little French cut garments from Victoria’s Secret that say “Hottie with a Body” or “Come Get Ya Some” on the ass, these are the panties that are sold at the cash register at your local Piggly Wiggly, 3 for .39 cents. The rise from leg opening to the waist is 12-14 inches. Some drivers are able to jack them up high enough to help prevent chafing from their seatbelts.
One driver was even quoted as saying “Yup, it’s true. Panties have played an important role in racing for a long time now. I even wear one of my wife’s bras during the race because I can keep my water bottle and some tools in the cups of it. It just makes things easier to get to during the race.”
Are these reporters shocked? Not really. I mean come on, what young boy hasn’t sneaked into mommy’s panty drawer for a trial run while she is out playing mini-golf with her friends? They are pretty damn comfortable.
As with other NASCAR trends, look for fans to start following in their favorite drivers’ footsteps. Look down the row at
Sssssssee you at the track,
Love Lance “French Tickler” and
5 responses so far ↓
1 juniorloves(bad word) // Mar 25, 2008 at 4:16 pm
so what are we supposed to do w/ all of our old red “8″ panties??
2 Nick // Mar 7, 2008 at 4:47 am
Early sightings in Atlanta at the merchandise trailers had signs in both Jr’s and Tony’s trailers.
Jr’s was titled “Wedgie Wear”
and Tony’s read “Smoke Screens - Your Nutts not to wear them!”
3 Woody Carnabatham // Mar 4, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Lance and Frederick sound like they are doing a little more than just reporting on NASCAR together.
4 Ashley // Mar 3, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Hey, it worked for Calvin “The Nuke” LaLoosh.
Just remember, guys, the rose goes in front.
5 Crystal // Mar 3, 2008 at 8:02 am
Next thing you know JRnation will have a huge increase in sales once he lets out his new panty line ! Coming to a store near you…
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