Dear Bobby Labonte –
I’m terribly sorry I am contacting you through a letter, this is not the easiest thing I have had to do. To get right to it, I am flat out mad that you haven’t called or visited me since 2002!!!
Did I do something wrong?
Was it something I said?
Is it the way I look? I know I am getting old and not as curvy as Ms. Watkins Glen. I know I am flat, unlike that bitch from
Now I’m not saying our relationship failed because it has been all your fault. I am accepting some of the blame too. Things just haven’t worked out over the past few years the way I planned. You and I both know that as the race gets going, rubber builds up in my turns and when the cars start to chatter as they go around I get all worked up. I admit it, I am a total bitch on brakes, tires, fenders, and even drivers too. I am ashamed to say it, but as I am sure you already know, I have been cheating on you with Jimmie Johnson for the past three races. I know, I know, he’s teammates with Jeff Gordon, the main reason why we first broke up but that man sure knows how to “slow down to run fast” if you know what I mean. I’m trying to focus on “me” these days and have been meeting with a sex therapist for the past year now.
I guess what I am trying to get at is even though I have been whoring myself out to Hendrick Motorsports for eight out of the last eleven races since we last saw each other, I’d like to try and give “us” one more shot. Something non-committal, maybe just start off slow with a Top-10 or something. Maybe a Top-5 if you are feeling a little frisky, or if you want, I’d even go for a win to get you back into the groove, wink wink.
Anywho, just wanted to let you know that I miss you and look forward to hopefully seeing you on Sunday.
Thinking of you,
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