A routine trip to the Port A Potty turned into the longest 12 hours of Mortimer O’Toole’s life outside Martinsville Speedway on Thursday as rescuers successful rescued an unopened can of Busch Light from the bottom of the mobile restroom. Half drunk and anxious to return to the game of washers he left unfinished, O’Toole carelessly set his beer atop the toilet paper holder as he relieved himself within the confined space of the Port A Potty. Tragedy stuck when O’Toole’s brothers Larry and Bones attempted to scare O’Toole by rocking the Port A Potty back and forth on its already shakey foundations. The rocking motion had a devastating effect on O’Toole’s balance sending him into the side of the Port A Potty and knocking his beer into the pot.

O’Toole’s screams of despair could be heard two parking lots away. His cries for help were answered by a good Samaritan, Russ Rawls. “I was standing there in line and those fellas got to rockin’ that pot back and forth. They done runned off but something wasn’t right. Then I heard the screams.”

The door was locked when Rawls arrived but he was able to pry the door open with his scanner antennae. “There he was shoulder deep in the pot. He would have dove in after her if he coulda fit. When I pulled him out he was covered in all kinds of nasty business. He didn’t care though. Damn, I would have done the same thing. Everyone would have. You’ll do just about anything when a loved one is in trouble.”

A team from the Henry County volunteer fire department was dispatched to Lot 14 at the Speedway to try and save the can of beer.

“He didn’t want to leave the beer. I can understand that. I felt bad for the guy.” said fireman Chris Kilgore. “When we arrived on the scene and saw how drunk and disappointed he was trying to get his beer back, I knew we had to do something. He unsuccessfully tried to make a bird’s nest of toilet paper on the seat so he wouldn’t get his Kevin Harvick T-shirt covered in doo doo, now that’s love.”

The Henry County rescue team had no strategy or experience in this type of incident but knew they had to work fast in order to save the fallen soldier. For the next 12 hours, rescuers struggled to free the Busch Light can from the 3 feet deep, 12 inch wide hole.

O’Toole, his family and fellow tailgaters all circled around the line of blue potties to watch the rescue attempt, which was carried live on local news channels, and cheered as the beer can was finally pulled from the poop filled pot safe and sound.

“That was one of the hardest recovery efforts I have ever done in my 30 year career as a fire fighter” said Chief Larry Engelberg. “We would get a hold of it, begin pulling it out and then it would slip from our grasps and we would have to start all over. It was a very stressful situation.”

Rescuers initially planned to release the beer into the custody of Mr. O’toole, but once the can was recovered the crew noticed Mortie had already passed out in the back of his friends truck.

After the ordeal, the Busch Light was safely placed back into Mortie’s cooler and is awaiting consumption.