In preparation for this week’s Sprint Cup race at Talladega, Loxley Alabama resident Briscoe Denkins installed a makeshift restrictor plate over his wife’s mouth to “prevent her incessant babbling during a race.”  Citing several incidents over the past several weeks that have had an adverse effect on his race enjoyment Denkins manufactured a restrictor plate from an old retainer, aluminum foil and a spatula.  The events leading up to this development include assorted oohs and ahhs during commercials featuring Kasey Kahne, unwelcome inquiries regarding pit road practices, and play by play commentary on the supposed events that would occur should his wife be locked in a closet with Dale Earnhardt Jr..   

A restrictor plate is a device installed at the intake of an engine designed to limit its power by restricting the flow of air into the engine.  Denkins claims his make shift plate achieves the same desired effect by limiting the amount of air his wife can inhale when trying to form a sentence.  “She’s only able to get enough air in to muster up a word or two,” Denkins explained.  “Pretty soon she’ll get herself winded and shut up for a good 15 minutes or so to catch her breath.  It might not sound like much but if you’ve ever had to sit next to my wife when she ain’t eating, she’ll wear you out with her idle chatter.”

“That woman can talk the snout of a pig if I’d let her,” Denkins explained.  “What’s a man to do when he just wants to sit back and watch a race?  He can’t have his woman chewing his ear off the whole time.  I ain’t heard so many questions since I had to testify in my cousin Biscuit’s DUI trial.”

Given the success of his initial invention, Denkins plans to use NASCAR technology in order to craft devices designed to help him monitor his RPM’s when entering school zones despite a broken speedometer and a helmet that would help keep him cool until he can afford to get the air conditioning in his pickup truck fixed.