A recent Congressional report assessing the threat to large sporting events finds that gatherings such as NASCAR races provide attractive targets for terrorist attacks. In order to adequately report on their findings, Congressional staffers visited the Talladega Super Speedway and Lowe’s Motor Speedway to observe NASCAR security in action and assess the ability of local law enforcement to respond to a terrorist attack. The investigation found that NASCAR races are a prime target because of the potential for a bioterrorism attack to inflict maximum damage due to the number of fans attending the race track each week. Congressional investigators reportedly responded to claims of a mysterious illness that affected a large number of race attendees at various tracks across the county. The symptoms of the illness include nausea, headaches and an extreme reaction to bright lights and loud noises.
“The day after I went to a couple of races last year, it took all I had to even get out of bed the next mornin’,” said race fan Ollie Nichols. “When I finally managed to get out of bed I couldn’t make it much further than the couch. I spent the whole day just lying there trying to get back to normal.” Nichols says nothing about his experience at the track raised any suspicions or caused him to believe that he had been exposed to any infectious diseases or toxins. “Most of the day I just sat at the tailgate grilling out and drinking beer. I’d say I only drank me about a case and a half of beer and a pint of Crown Royal. I did eat my weight in chicken wings so I guess it could have been food poisoning. I ain’t never had no food poisoning this bad though. If I had to describe it I’d say it felt a little bit like a hangover. No, hold on, it felt a whole lot like a hangover,” Nichols continued. “Come to think of it, I did black out for about 45 minutes during the race. I reckon that could have been the result of some terrorist attack or the like. I reckon I could have passed out from drinking but I ain’t done that in weeks.”
Investigators found that the symptoms Nichols explained were not an isolated incident. “We have found approximately 75,000 fans that have experienced the same symptoms Mr. Nichols described and that isn’t over the course of the season. We are finding similar numbers at every track,” said FBI Special Agent Danny McGruff. “It does tend to raise some suspicions. I’m not sure what we are dealing with here but I would say the evidence is compelling. It is something we are actively investigating.”
Reports from the crime scenes tell a chilling tale. “Every tailgate we visited where a person reported being infected had similar evidence that pointed to some sort of toxins that could have an adverse effect on normal human body function,” said McGruff. “Lab results have shown that the trace substances found at each infection site could lead to a loss of memory, a decrease in motor skills and slurred speech. It’s definitely a scary situation.” Officials have warned race attendees to be on the lookout for what seems to be the most common method of distribution for the toxins, bottles and cans most commonly used to hold alcoholic beverages.
Preliminary reports show that those infected were all consuming the contents of those containers before experiencing any symptoms. Although officials are unwilling to pinpoint the source of infection to these containers they do urge race attendees to check the seal on bottles and cans to ensure they haven’t been tampered with. NASCAR security officials have reported a spike in unusual behavior at the track. “I don’t want to cause a panic because we certainly don’t have all the details but it would be irresponsible for me to say we aren’t concerned,” said NASCAR Director of Track Security Ham Bonewood. “All I would tell people is to be vigilant. If something doesn’t seem right, report it.” Bonewood cited certain events that have raised his suspicions including louder than usual speech volumes, falling down and chronic shirtlessness.

2 responses so far ↓
1 Andy AKA Mc Atey Ate // May 15, 2008 at 10:12 am
Man, what a discovery!!!! I had done had this here happen after Talladega, Daytona, and Atlanta over the past years. Come to think of it my good buddy Cooter J. Padgett had the same stuff going on too. Damn terrorists!!!!!!
2 Bigguns // May 15, 2008 at 9:01 am
I was infected at a very young age. Momma thinks it was chemicals in the baby bottles - that’s why she put daddy’s moonshine on my pacifier.
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