Following on the heels of National Football League (NFL) stars Troy Aikman and Randy Moss, Adam “Pacman” Jones has announced his intention to start a race team to compete in NASCAR in 2009. The troubled NFL player was suspended from playing for the entire 2007 season and passed the time by competing Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling and writing a guide book of the best strip clubs across the nation. During that time Jones says he developed an affinity for “fake redneck sports” and decided to parlay his 8 years of driving experience into NASCAR.
“I been driving since I was 16 years old,” says the now 24 year old Jones. “I ain’t never crashed my car, got a speeding ticket or made a right turn. How hard can NASCAR be? I drive every day. I wrestled for a week and got to be TNA World Tag Team Champion. I can’t wait to turn my first Sprint Cup into a medallion. My second one is gonna be the hood ornament on my Bentley.”
“I love fighting, guns, strippers and beer,” said Jones. “I don’t see how that makes me any different than any other NASCAR loving red blooded American.” NASCAR already has its share of bad boys but Pacman Jones is expected to take it to the next level. “If any of those fools bumps me, puts me in the wall or even puts a little scratch on my ride, I’m probably gonna bust a cap.” NASCAR has yet to issue rules regarding driver’s carrying sidearms, but a survey of the NASCAR race going public shows that an average race has enough guns on site to arm a small country.
Because of Pacman Jones’ reputation as a trouble maker, NASCAR has been keeping a close eye on the team as they prepare for competition. NASCAR has already found Jones’ team to be in violation of NASCAR rules because of their intended use of platinum grills. “I have been made aware of the team’s intention to use platinum grills,” said NASCAR Director of Competitivity Buckles Del Monte. “We have very strict standards on what equipment can be used on the race car. We try to keep a level playing field for all teams to keep things competitive. What I don’t understand is why anyone would want to put a platinum grill on a race car. That doesn’t sound very cost effective to me.” When informed that platinum grills are a type of jewelry worn over the teeth as a way to measure ones “bling” or monetary success, Del Monte’s eyes glazed over and his ears started smoking as he tried to process this information before he passed out and fell to the ground.
3 responses so far ↓
1 Andy AKA Mc Atey Ate // Jul 18, 2008 at 10:10 am
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3 jeff compton // May 31, 2008 at 10:38 am
All i have to say about this post is that Pman Jones is one BAMF.
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