Citing a growing tradition of using drivers named Dale in the #88 Chevy Monte Carlo on NASCAR’s top circut, Tennesseean and noted ne’er-do-well Dale Skeeburg is pressing his case to replace Dale Earnhardt, Jr. behind the wheel of the #88 when the driver’s contract is up in 2013.

“I’ve had it with the folks over at Dale Skeeburg Enterprises,” Skeeburg said of his stepmother’s Murfreesboro bait and tackle company.  “They treat me like a nobody, they never give me good equipment, and they’re apparently immune to the effects of the antifreeze I put in their sweet tea.  When Dale’s are so high in demand in NASCAR, I’d be a durned fool to sit here and wait for this company to be mine.”

Dale Jarrett and Dale Earnhardt, Jr., the past and current occupants of the driver’s seat in the #88, declined to comment on the ascension of Dale Skeeburg to NASCAR prominence, but an unnamed source said Hendrick Motorsports is considering Skeeburg’s offer.  “He’s cultivated that bad boy image, he has the perfect amount of stubble on his face, and he does have that magical first name that we are always looking for.  Dale Skeeburg could end up having quite a bit of leverage if we get to a negotiation.”

“I wear Wrangler jeans.  I drink AMP energy drink.  I ship pot by UPS.  Nothin’ to it.” Skeeburg proclaimed.  “I’m a natural.  The only other Dale you got to choose from is that Toyota-driving Dale VonPopplestein over at the Murfreesboro bank.  Just between you and me, last time I went in there, he saw me and wet his pants.  Ain’t no place for that feller in NASCAR.”

Skeeburg’s regular bail bondsman, Jethro Downlow, vouches for his frequent customer’s credentials.  “If anybody can drive it like he stole it, it’s Dale Skeeburg.  Plenty of practice in that arena.”

Skeeburg’s pitch to Hendrick has already attracted the attention of potential sponsors Taser International and Brinks Home Security Services.  “We’re quite confident that when the American people see Mr. Skeeburg, they are also going to become quite interested in our products.”