What happened to the Larry Mac I used to know?  Remember Larry when we met in the garage at Richmond a couple of years ago?  Remember what you said to me?  I sure do.  You said “Son, you’ve had way too much do drink this early in the morning.  Why don’t you drink a couple of waters and sober up?”  I’ll never forget it.  The way your fatherly instincts kicked in to help me in my time of need.  Since that day Larry you have been my father figure of NASCAR.  Guiding me in your image and helping me steer clear of any NASCAR related B.S.  Well Larry, while your advice helped me immensely that fine September day, I hope you will indulge me and allow me to offer some advice to you in return. 

You Mr. McReynolds have gotten out of control.  That poor man’s version of Jeff Hammond’s NASCAR cutaway car has poisoned your once focused mind.  It all seemed to start innocently enough.  There you were in mid broadcast, showing us the ins and outs of what is happening to the cars on the track, when the three clowns in the broadcast booth began to make fun of you.  You laughed along but I could tell it hurt you.  You were the new guy, the Fox guy that came over to join a new team, the rookie, and therefore, the butt of all their jokes.  Ha ha ha, look at us put Larry’s face on someone else’s body.  Hardy har har.  I know that hurt Larry.  We would all be hurt.  All you want to do is fit in with the cool kids.  How do you respond?  You embrace the role of the loveable clown.  You made the dire mistake of believing they were laughing along with you when in reality they were laughing at you.  How did you respond?  You resorted to magic tricks.  Everyone loves magic right?  A couple of tricks here and there will make them like me right?  Wrong. 

Let’s take a look at what would happen if you tried to incorporate your little magic act into the Fox Broadcast?  For instance, imagine for a
moment if you will what would mike joy do if you brought that magic wand into his broadcast booth?  He would break that thing off in a place that wouldn’t allow you to sit comfortably for a week.  The sad thing is, the longer we allowed this insanity to continue, the worse it got.  Although I never thought it possible, you make boogity boogity boogity sound like a complex mathematical equation explaining the origins of the universe.

Saturday night at Chicago, you let things get out of control.  You convinced yourself that you, Larry Mac, became more important for a
race.  I call that Weber/Dallenbach/Petty Syndrome.  Symptoms include douchebaggery, an inflated sense of self, and an unwarranted feeling of superior NASCAR knowledge.  How did WDP Syndrome manifest itself with you Larry?  It made you think that sawing a man in half during the race would be a good idea.  You sawed a man in half Larry.  The staple of every two bit magician at every county fair across the country.  As  I watched the set up for the trick in lieu of watching the race I tuned in to see, I wanted to believe that I was watching Larry Mac turn the tables on his TNT tormentors.  How surprised would they be when you actually sawed that fool in half in a premeditated act of vengeance? But my hopes were dashed when everyone emerged unscathed.  I came to the stunning realization that our dear Larry Mac had become one of them.

Did you even take the time to consider what your Fox colleague would think?  They tune in to the race like everyone else.  There’s no doubt they say what you did.  I’ll bet they weren’t laughing.  When you did your little magic act I was half expecting Jeff Hammond to lasso you all the way from whatever Bumpkinville he resides in and pull you out of frame to receive an ass whipping.  Jeff let me down but I’m used to that.  I’m not used to it from you Larry. 

While we can’t go back and undo what has been done, we can learn from it.  Listen to me Larry, this comes from a good place.  In the future, don’t get roped into to the assorted dipshittery going on with Weber, Dallenbach and Petty.  Those clowns broke into race coverage to talk about how Kyle Petty’s pink tie would go with any one of their shirts. A pink tie is bad enough but breaking into green flag racing is a crime. Which brings me to my point, Larry Mac, you have done the inexcusable, you broke into green flag racing to saw a man in half.  Unforgiveable. I’ve come to expected it from them.  I could see Weber breaking in to teach men how to properly use a blow dryer or Petty teaching us the step by step process on how to braid a pony tail, but you. 

 Larry, what happened?  Me thinks it’s Stockholm syndrome.  You know, when a captive starts to relate to his captors?  I can see how you were bored after the Fox broadcasts ended and just wanted to make a buck close to the sport you love.  But for chrissake McReynolds, sell a hot dog, hand out free samples of Tylenol rapid release capsules, don’t lower yourself to the level of the rest of the TNT clowns.  This was supposed to be the part of the letter where I get serious and tell you that we want our old Larry McReynolds back.  But, I just remembered that you broke into the race to saw a man in half.  Holy shit I can’t believe you did that.  I should have suspected something was up when you pulled a rabbit out of a hat last week.  This letter should have been written before things reached the level they did.  The rabbit out of the hat and the sawing the man in half tricks weren’t even your most impressive feats.  Making my respect for you disappear in a flash, I never saw it coming.

You need to pull those belts tight and get it together Larry Mac before
you sink too low.