NASCAR President Mike Helton is reportedly so pleased with the outcome of Sunday’s race at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway that he has asked Pocono officials to run all 500 miles of next weekend’s race under the caution flag.
“Indy is racing’s most venerable track, and it’s a great sign of respect that the drivers took their time, raced clean, and gave the fans a good look at their sponsors,” said Helton’s moustache.
A.J. Allmendinger’s mother agreed: “From a competition standpoint, AJ is really at his best on the caution laps. I was so proud of him on Sunday, staying right in line where he was supposed to be. I’ve trained him all his life for that day — ‘Now AJ — don’t you get impatient, son! You stay in line where you’re s’posed to be!’…”
All of this positive feedback, Helton’s moustache says, will enable him to tinker with the format of the Red Cross 500 in
Believe it or not, seats are still available for the Pocono race, however, in a rare show of interest by the NASCAR public, tickets for qualifying have already sold out.
8 responses so far ↓
1 Clance' McClannahan // Aug 5, 2008 at 7:51 pm
ROFLAO! Great Blog!
How the heck did I just find you?!! Oh yeah. I was gone for the entire spring.
You fit right into my Church, you LugNutz you!!
Tell John Newson thanks for the point to you.
2 Jessy S. // Jul 31, 2008 at 10:25 am
I love the idea of running the Red Cross 500 under yellow. In fact, lets just run the rest of the season under the yellow flag. There is no need for this racing. We all know that all races are won in qualifying. Oh wait, that is Forumla One. With NASCAR, lets run everything but the last 10 laps under caution. That way we can have a Sprint all-star race every Sunday.
3 Black Flagged Online // Jul 29, 2008 at 6:03 am
Thanks for the idea Kris, you can expect the first edition of “Ask Mike Helton’s Moustache” in the near future!
BFO
4 Bumper Sticker // Jul 28, 2008 at 7:21 pm
I heard David Copperfield was there and he was hired by Humpy to do the “GREATEST ILLUSION EVER”. Unfortunatly someone got their signals crossed and instead of all the race cars disappearing, the race itself disappeared with all the tire dust? Next trick is (from a solid source) is they will have a companion race with circus clowns racing lil’ fire engines using HOOSIER tires that will leave rubber on the track. Helton will be the grand marshall, all he needs is one of those red noses and a yellow wig, what a clown he is!
5 Kris // Jul 28, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Love it. You should have a weekly feature called “Ask Mike Helton’s Moustache”.
6 Maggot // Jul 28, 2008 at 10:32 am
I 2nd dat! Funny stuff,sometimes scary true!
7 HORNBREAKER // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:16 am
When is NASCAR going to give GoodYear there walking papers? Also I thought the Pit Crews competition was over last month. Maybe we should run the next race on HARD RUBBER TIRES!!! That way all we have to do is hit the pits for gas, And give the rest of the Pit Crew the weed-end off.
8 Jean // Jul 28, 2008 at 6:49 am
I love Black Flagged Online and this has got to be one of the funniest articles yet. Keep up the great work.
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