It took all of four laps for Michael Waltrip to crash his race car and make an early exit from yesterday’s Allstate 400 at the Brickyard.  The race was plagued with tire woes, resulting in a third of the laps being run under caution, but Waltrip is quick to point out that the tires had nothing to do with his wreck.  He claims it was pure skill.

“Tire problems?  Golly, give me a break.   You want to blame your wrecks on the tires?  Be a man and put that car in the wall yourself.  Don’t wait around for equipment to fail.  You could be out there all day,” Mikey said.  “I’m not saying I’m the best out there on the track but let’s face facts.  I don’t think anyone would argue with me when I say I can wreck anything on four wheels.”

Waltrip, while not one to boast, certainly has the credentials to back up such a claim.  A review of police reports and insurance records reveal that the driver has wrecked both of his family’s personal vehicles, his children’s red wagon, the traditional 4 wheel and inline roller skates, a skateboard, an ATV, a tractor, his neighbor’s lawn mower, and a stroller.  While the vehicles all suffered damage, Waltrip walked away from each incident without injury.  A fact he says is the key factor in making him such a good wrecker. 

With such an impressive resume of crashes, Waltrip says he is always looking for the next best way to top himself.  Outdoing his previous wrecks is no small task.  The one that he holds most dear to his heart was when he had to call a tow truck after a fender bender last year that rendered his vehicle undriveable.  When the tow truck arrived, Waltrip asked for and was granted permission to drive the tow truck, which he promptly wrecked.  “That’s the one I’m most proud of,” remembered Mikey.  “My only regret is that I didn’t get to wreck the tow truck that came to get the other tow truck.  I could have kept going on like that all day.  It would have been special.   Needless to say, with all my car problems, I spend a lot of time at NAPA.  The official car parts store of NASCAR!  Oh yeah, one more thing, go to Aaron’s everybody.  I want to wreck the Dream Machine!”