Earlier this week, NASCAR fined Donnie Wingo, crew chief for the 41 Target Dodge for a violation committed at Michigan. The car driven by the devilishly handsome Reed Sorenson was found to be in violation of Section 12-4-A of the 2008 NASCAR rule book (actions detrimental to stock car racing).

The giant target on the hood of Reed Sorenson’s car is the perfect place to aim when female racegoers begin twirling their thongs and granny-panties and throwing them on the track towards their favorite driver. “We’re not talking about just one or two pairs. We are talking about lots of panties — getting stuck on the front grill of the cars causing them to overheat and some getting stuck on the faces of the drivers, causing them to overheat,” said a NASCAR official.

The race at Michigan a few weeks ago proved what NASCAR officials have been proclaiming all year when a caution was thrown on Lap 71 for “Panty Debris.” Replays show a woman of generous proportions running up to the fence at turn one, waiting patiently until the 41 car was in her sights and launching a pair of leopard-skin panties right onto the hood. This very large and very drunk woman was seen swooning and preparing her “throwing of the panties” during Reed Sorenson’s driver introductions. It wasn’t until Lap 71 where the 41 car was not in traffic and the fan had a clear shot.

“It’s obvious that the huge Target symbol on the hood of Reed’s car was what she was aiming for. And she nailed it” said NASCAR. In the politically correct world of NASCAR, officials did not blame the fan for the caution, instead they decided to warn the Target Dodge team that they must change their paint scheme before the race for the chase or suffer major penalties. As a way to show how serious they are, NASCAR has fined Crew Chief Wingo $25,000 for the infraction and has hired extra security for the Saturday night race at Richmond.

“I understand where NASCAR is coming from and we will try our best to oblige. We’re a little nervous though for the race at Richmond as the first 20,000 women through the gates get a free pair of “Richmond: Racing under the lights and in tights” thong panties. Panties, panties everywhere I guess. We’ll just have to be careful when we tell Reed to slingshot his way to the front,” said Wingo.