After carefully adjusting his plastic hair bonnet to shield his hair from the rain, NASCAR President Mike Helton called Sunday’s Daytona 500 on account of rain showers with only 48 laps to go to the checkered flag.  The move, which led to widespread criticism from NASCAR fans, was one of necessity as Helton explains that the rain showers would have made continuing on very difficult.

“Sure we could have tried to wait the rain out but we had a lot of factors to consider,” Helton’s mustache explained.  “Chief among my concerns was my own personal well being.  I don’t like to get wet.  As my old lady always says ‘sugar melts.’  I can’t risk melting.”

Those familiar with the situation describe a scene where Helton intently watched the weather radar as the storm approached the track.  Tensions ran high as the storm approached because NASCAR was understandably hesitant to call for an early end to the biggest event of the season.  But Helton, always quick to put the public interest behind his own, decided to end the race early, handing the victory to Matt Kenseth.

“I reckon we could have waited the storm out but hell, I have things to do,” said Helton’s mustache.  “There isn’t a NASCAR fan out there that wasn’t looking at their watch wondering if they would be able to switch over to see Extreme Makeover:  Home Edition in time.  Besides, I’ve been here in Daytona all week and quite frankly, I’m dog tired.” 

In the face of criticism from fans that had been waiting patiently for months for this event, Helton stands by his decision saying he did the right thing for NASCAR, the drivers and fans.

“I like to consider what I did as being for the greater good.  For better or worse my spray on hair isn’t water proof,” said Helton’s mustache.  “Simply put, I get my hair wet, next thing I know it’s running down my face.  If I wanted to look like a member of ZZ Top I’d grow a beard, not have one trickle down my face.”