Some called the 500 people that inhabit Food City, TN crazy when they decided to pool their money and sponsor the spring race at Bristol Motor Speedway.  But in the aftermath of yesterday’s running of the Food City 500, you’d be hard pressed to find a single Food City resident that didn’t consider it money well spent.

“This is a great day for Food City,” announced first term Mayor Burtram Zingleford.  “For far too long tax dollars have been wasted in our fine little metropolis.  My predecessor unwisely spent our hard earned money on trivial things like roads and schools.  Finally we have used our money on something we can be proud of!  The Food City 500 at Bristol Motor Speedway!”

The $15 million dollars Food City residents paid to sponsor the Sprint Cup race at Bristol Motor Speedway works out to $30,000 per person, 10 times the average annual income of the residents.  But the steep price tag was a bargain according to the residents of Food City that approved the use of their tax dollars through a ballot initiative.  Some residents even contributed out of their own savings to make up the difference.  To commemorate their contribution each resident was assigned a lap and had their name announced as the race continued.

“Money well spent?  You better believe it!”  said Food City resident Kermit Hines.  “Sure I might not be able to pay for a year of college for my little daughter Twyla Ruchelle but let’s be honest she’d probably piss it all away spending her time neckin’ in the library or drinkin’ moonshine ‘til all hours like college folk do.  That year of college would just go up in smoke but lap 347 of the Food City 500 will always be mine.”

Food City has a long history of schemes intended to increase the flow of tourism dollars into the town.  The annual Cat Turd Festival held each August has featured a number of signature events over the past few years but none have generated the tourist traffic or revenue the organizers were seeking.  To make matters worse, the festival was marred by controversy last year when Vernon Stubblefield reportedly cheated in the Milk A Cow With Your Mouth contest.  Food City was left reeling after the scandal and actively sought to improve the image of the town.  NASCAR sponsorship seemed to be the answer. 

“We ain’t high fallutin’ folk like them singin’ and dancin’ folk from Dollywood.  We gotta use our pocket books to get ahead,” said Zingleford.  “NASCAR means excitement round these parts and now Food City is a part of NASCAR forever.  Folks say that regular folk can’t be  a part of NASCAR cuz it’s too expensive.  Evidently them folks don’t live in Food City!”