Dateline Pit Road:  A presidential edict has landed at the Redwings of pit road workers throughout NASCAR’s top circuit banning the word “retread” in favor of the more politically-correct and sensitive word, “tread challenged.”

The subpar tires are a perennial problem at NASCAR race sites.

New NASCAR Official in Charge of Retread Control Dusty Blunderbuss isn’t liking the new PC term.  “We got retreads running all over pit road.  They’re uncontrollable.  Retreads everywhere.  You can’t turn around in the middle of the race without tripping over a retread.  And I’m going to get to the bottom of how all these retreads are getting in here in the first place.”

Some of the drivers wives and girlfriends have banded together to take some of the retreads under their diamond-encrusted wings.

“Ooooh, those retreads are so cute.  They were just born without a cohesive sidewall.  It’s not their fault,” one hottie cooed at the track on Friday afternoon. 

Others are taking up the causes of so-called ‘eunuchs’: “You know, a eunuch is running around here when you see a wheel that ain’t got no lugnuts on it.  Poor bastards.  They’ll never be able to screw an axlerod like that,” one tire soft-hearted tire changer told us.

Like it or not, retreads and eunuchs are part of life on pit lane, says Blunderbuss. 

“They’re all Goodyear’s children, and they all got rights to be here.  You can’t say too many great things about regular tires, either.  Every once in a while a perfectly good tire becomes unbalanced.  Sometimes the evil ones get cut down and try to make a break over the fence.  But that’s someone else’s problem.  I’m just in charge of trying to corral all the retreads, I mean, tread-challenged tires.  It takes retread strength sometimes, but I’m up to the task.”