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Entries from April 2009

Poll Shows Overweight Women Would Love To Have Kasey Kahne For Dinner

April 30th, 2009 · 1 Comment

A recent poll for Plus Sized NASCAR Ladies magazine posed the question of ‘which NASCAR driver would the ladies like to have for dinner the most?’  The resounding answer to the question was Kasey Kahne but the magazine’s editors fear that the unfortunately phrased question led to some confusion when the readers answered. 

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Tags: Richmond (Spring)

One More Way You, Too, Can Be Just Like Junior

April 30th, 2009 · No Comments

If you are anything like us here at BFO, you need someone to tell you if Kyle Busch, Tony Stewart or Kevin Harvick is about to get all up in your business. 
We give you The Spotter:
http://www.ubergizmo.com/15/archives/2009/04/rightway_nascar_gps_navigation_system.html
But be careful, if the Spotter tells you Jeff Gordon is about to bump […]

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Tags: Richmond (Spring)

NASCAR Prepares For Flu Outbreak

April 29th, 2009 · 1 Comment

NASCAR security officials have been huddling this week to discuss plans to respond to the possibility of a flu outbreak at this weekend’s race at Richmond International Raceway.  Although there is no credible reason for alarm at this point, NASCAR points to the fact that 100,000 people in close proximity has […]

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Tags: Talladega

Brad Keselowski Masters English Vocab for Post-Race Interviews

April 27th, 2009 · 1 Comment

Phonics experts scrambled to prepare Brad Keselowski for the media following his 1000-to-one victory at Talladega on Sunday.  The only discernable English phrases rookie Keselowski has been known to utter thus far are:  “That barrier came outta nowhere,” “Me like pretty ladies,” and “Brad drive fast car for you sponsor […]

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Tags: Random · Talladega

Premature Celebration Costs Edwards Win At ‘Dega

April 27th, 2009 · 2 Comments

Carl Edwards got ahead of himself at Talladega on Sunday, and then some guy named Brad Keselowski got ahead of Carl to win the Aaron’s 499.  Edwards fans were shocked when their favorite driver uncorked his signature celebration – a back flip – about 200 yards shy of the finish […]

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Tags: Talladega

Mears Looking Forward To This Week’s Crash

April 24th, 2009 · 1 Comment

There isn’t quite anything like super speedway racing in all of professional sports.  The high speeds, the bumper to bumper racing, and of course “the big one,” all get fans excited for some of the most exciting racing of the season.  But fans aren’t the only ones that look forward to […]

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Tags: Talladega

Martin Tests Positive For Metamucil After Phoenix Win

April 22nd, 2009 · 4 Comments

Mark Martin’s win at Phoenix International Raceway last Saturday night was a remarkable feat.  For someone his age to win at the Sprint Cup level shows that age is not a factor when it comes to success on the Sprint Cup circuit.  Martin’s win, while certainly a boost to his championship […]

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Tags: Phoenix

In Controversial Move, Vermont Legalizes Gordon Fandom

April 20th, 2009 · 5 Comments

If you’re like most NASCAR fans, you’ve been wondering what isn’t illegal in Vermont.  The bastion of liberal lawmaking has again shocked the rest of the nation by making it legal for a grown man to become a fan of NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon.
“Shoooo-weee,” said Mid-South resident Dudley Dunderbuckets.  “Shoooo-weee.”

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Tags: Phoenix

Dr. Jerry Bonkowski Isn’t That Kind of Doctor

April 20th, 2009 · 1 Comment

A choking Phoenix man learned the hard way this weekend that Dr. Jerry Bonkowski isn’t the kind of doctor he through he was after a turkey leg bone became lodged in his throat.
“I was gagging like a straight guy in the Haight-Ashbury on that legbone when I saw Dr. Bonkowski […]

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Tags: Phoenix

Edwards Wishes Claritin Treated His Allergy to Winning

April 17th, 2009 · 5 Comments

With the onset of spring, noses are running faster than Rousch-Fenway Fords all over the country.  No one is more aware of the perils of allergy season than fans of Carl Edwards, who disdian their number one driver’s apparent allergy to winning Sprint Cup races.

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Tags: Phoenix

NASCAR Rules Reverse Texans’ Enthusiasm About Secession

April 17th, 2009 · No Comments

Every Texan worth his brisket is buzzing over the suggestion that the hang-low state may secede from the Union over the relentless imposition of federal powers that exceed Constitutional authority vested in the states by the 10th Amendment, daggumit.  But plenty of big-buckled cowpokes are singing a different tune in […]

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Tags: Phoenix

Junior Nation Celebrates Another Little E-ster Without A Win

April 15th, 2009 · 2 Comments

When Cletus Buckgutter’s family left for church on Easter Sunday they did so without him.  Buckgutter, although a devout Christian, does not recognize Easter as a religious holiday.  Instead, Buckgutter celebrates a little known holiday known as Little E-ster.  But unfortunately for Buckgutter, Little E-ster didn’t come this year.
“Little E-ster […]

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Tags: Phoenix

Stupid Jeff Hammond Outdone by Stupid Jeff Gordon

April 8th, 2009 · 1 Comment

We wait for it every year.  Fox goes to Texas, and Jeff Hammond dusts off the get-up he uses only when he tells his lost-sixth-member-of-the-Village-People joke and when he does the pre-race show in the Republic.
This year, however, things turned out a little different.

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Tags: Random

It’sss Raining NASSSCAR Men, Hallelujah

April 8th, 2009 · No Comments

Hey there BFO fans, it’s time for another special report from Lance “French Tickler” and Frederick “Butter Cup” Witherspoon, NASCAR’s Most Fabulous Reporting Duo. 
Bonjour race fansss, we are reporting from the road and want to give you a warm welcome to another article of “Sasssinesss in NASSSCAR.”   Today we […]

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Tags: Texas

Displaced Crew Members Resort to Stripping

April 6th, 2009 · No Comments

Everyone in the NASCAR world has been having a pretty tough time financially as of late. So teams, faced with the idea of racing in the near future with decreased funding have made some drastic cuts to the number of employees in the race shops and pit crews.  With so many […]

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Tags: Texas