If you’re like most NASCAR fans, you’ve been wondering what isn’t illegal in Vermont.  The bastion of liberal lawmaking has again shocked the rest of the nation by making it legal for a grown man to become a fan of NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon.

“Shoooo-weee,” said Mid-South resident Dudley Dunderbuckets.  “Shoooo-weee.”

We asked the red-blooded American to elaborate on his reaction.

“Shooooo-oooooo-weee,” he replied.

Instead, we turned to NASCAR legal consultant Dr. Charles Bookends.  “Well, what Vermont has done is perfectly Constitutional, unfortunately.  A grown man choosing of his own free will to cheer on, or wear the apparel of, the Rainbow Warrior, is a rarity in any of the other 49 states, but Vermont has taken proactive steps to protect that form of speech.”

Dudley Dunderbuckets has long wondered what the rainbow flags he sees on TV in liberal strongholds like Vermont truly mean, but today he is awfully sad to find out that it’s actually an indication of support for Jeff Gordon.  Support which is now legal in the state of Vermont.  “Shoooooo-weeeeeee.  Mmmm, mmm, mmmm, mmm, mmmm,” he said while shaking his head slowly from side to side.

Almost immediately after the new law went into effect, Vermont retialers noticed a dramatic drop-off in the sales of half-empty beer cans formerly used for throwing at Jeff Gordon as well as inside-out cardboard boxes and black show polish formerly used for making big signs proclaiming how much the signmaker hated Jeff Gordon.

Dr. Bookends hypothesized the cause of the sudden market shift: “I think Americans who still hate Jeff Gordon who are living in Vermont realized that the new law may in fact subject them to hate crimes penalties for injuring, or even offending Jeff Gordon and his fans.  Either that, or they all just picked up and moved to New Hampshire, a state which actually has a race.”

Dunderbuckets was inclined to agree with Dr. Bookends’ latter suggestion.  “Shooo-wee.  Burn!” he said, his good tooth shining in the sun.