Don’t cry for Tony Eury Jr., getting fired from Hendrick Motorsports is the best thing that ever happened to him according to the former crew chief and cousin of Dale Earnhardt Jr.  Eury Jr. was fired unceremoniously from his plum crew chief job when Earnhardt Jr.’s performance failed to match the high standards put on his teams by owner Rick Hendrick.  According to those closest to him, the buffet staff at the Mooresville NC Golden Corral, Eury Jr. is finally free to step out of the shadow of his superstar cousin and finally make a name for himself.

“Me and Dale Jr. ain’t cousins no more,” said Eury Jr.’s fourth chin as it dodged a drip of gravy spilling for Eury Jr.’s mouth.  “Weez first cousin’s once removed as in I removed myself from Junior’s service, with the help of Mr. Hendrick of course.”

The sad chain of events that led to Eury Jr.’s removal as Earnhardt Jr.’s crew chief extended far beyond the race track.  Family sources reveal that a family BBQ over Memorial Day weekend set into motion the downward spiral that broke up NASCAR most famous pair of cousins/race teammates.

“Junior got his Wranglers in a bunch and Tony paid the price,” said Eury Jr.’s second chin.  “Everybody knows that Tony Jr. has the sweetest pencil thin mustache on the circuit.  Sure Tony might have been out of line when he told Junior the only thing that was pencil thin on him was in his britches, but everybody was thinking it.”

According to those in attendance, Earnhardt Jr. remarked to Eury Jr. that his pencil thin mustache made him look distinguished.  Armed with a lack of vocabulary and basic understanding of the English language, Eury Jr. took offense and made the ill advised comment to his cousin that embarrassed him in front of his kin.

“Weez gonna be just fine,” said Eury Jr.’s mustache.  “We’ll find another cousin.  Ain’t no doubt about that.  Maybe I’ll be Kyle Busch’s cousin.  That’ll teach him good.”

Hendrick Motorsports has been relatively quiet on the events that led to Eury Jr.’s dismissal, but Black Flagged Online was able to obtain comment.

“That apple fell far from the tree,” said Humpy Jumpyleg, director of public relations for Hendrick Motorsports.  “I’m sorry, what was the question?  I was trying to disprove Newton’s theory of gravitation.  That apple fell out of the tree and rolled way over there.  You see that?  Anyway, we were talking about Tony Eury Jr.?  Good guy.  Really, really, great guy.  Not a great crew chief but a genuinely nice guy.  Kind of fat though.”