So there’s this report out there about Jeremy Mayfield’s positive drug test and what the drugs were and all that stuff. Turns out, according to ESPN, that drug was meth. I’m no expert but from what I do know, that’s some pretty serious stuff like make your teeth fall out bad and that’s the best thing that happens.
Say this does turn out to be true, what could have been going through his head? Maybe these things:
1. How can something made from hazardous chemicals like anhydrous ammonia be bad for you?
2. Personally I don’t want to take anything that isn’t manufactured with the risk of explosion.
3. Man, I’m Jeremy Mayfield (boastful)
4. Man, I’m Jeremy Mayfield (depressed)
When you factor in those things I guess meth doesn’t seem like that bad of an option. I don’t know a lot about meth and the jokes about this news were avoiding me so I went to the always reliable Wikipedia to teach me about the production and use of methamphetamine hoping for inspiration, and there it was. Right there under Routes of Administration, just below Smoking, Injection and Insufflation was the ominous sounding Other Methods. What could be the Other Methods you ask?
Let me have Wikipedia do the talking for me:
Other methods
Very little research has focused on suppository or anal insertion as a method, and anecdotal evidence of its effects is infrequently discussed, possibly due to social taboos in many cultures regarding the anus. This method is often known within methamphetamine communities as a “butt rocket”, “potato thumping”, “turkey basting”, a “booty bump”, “keistering”, “plugging”, “shafting”, “shelving” (vaginal), or “bumming” and is anecdotally reported to increase sexual pleasure while the effects of the drug last longer.[46] The rectum is where the majority of the drug would likely be taken up, through the membranes lining its walls.
Butt rocket? No thank you. Potato thumping? Hmmm, you’ve got my attention. See how powerful a lure meth is? They name it cool things to get you to like it. But fortunately, I like to keep my potato thumping limited to the
3 responses so far ↓
1 Yowser // Jun 16, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Whatever happened to good ole Benzedrine? Benzedrine, coffee, and cigarettes is what got the country to the top and now look what happened. Bring back Benzedrine. Save our country.
2 cowboygeorge127 // Jun 14, 2009 at 9:37 pm
I believe Jeremy is taking the ADD drug ADUROL this is an amphetamine based drug that will result in a pos drug test. I know this as I take phentermine which is the same type of drug and work in the most heavily tested job in the country. I drive a truck for a living so i have had to prove my prescription is legit. NASCAR did the unfathomable when it failed to retain the remainder of the orig.sample for a secondary test. If Jeremy is not taking a banned substance and NASCAR did infact over react I hope he sues the livin crap out of em
3 MARTEL!!! // Jun 10, 2009 at 5:30 pm
How’s ’bout a movie called “Spuds ‘o Thunder” starrin’ Jeremy Mayfield as the lonely son of a impoverished potato farmer up in Oxford, Maine. ( I bets Ricky Craven knows where Oxford is.) His potato thumpin’ luvin’ Mama whips up Meth in the root cellar so poor ‘ l’il Jeremy kin affords ta goes a racin’ and unbelievable as it may be for the audience, l’il Jeremy jus’ can’t foller directions and begins to use Meth to enhance his feelin’s o’ confidence and his powers o’ concentration. Under Mama’s watchful eyes o’ course and Papa potato head is none the wiser. Country fried, gumb dab mit. Wharz mo’ phalz teefs’ GUMB DABS MIT!!! JEREMY!!!
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