The Coke Zero 400 at Daytona International Speedway was an all American affair.  Being held on the 4th of July, it was all hot dogs and apple pie, as NASCAR celebrated our nation’s birthday at one of the most famous auto racing sites in the United States.  In the stands, fans sang along to the national anthem with a little more gusto than usual.  In the pits, drivers and crew stood a little taller as military jets soared overhead.  It seemed as if nothing could spoil the patriotic mood, until the final lap that is.

“One second Tony Stewart is headed for the checkered flag and then out of nowhere, the Japanese attack,” said eye witness and noted Toyota detractor Herman Stuttlecock.  “I thought to myself ‘Dear God, let them have Loudon, Vegas, Atlanta and Bristol but please not here at Daytona, not today.”

And have Daytona they would have had it not been for one red blooded, heroic American willing to stand up and fight for his country, Tony Stewart.  Stewart boldly put his own chances of victory on the line in order to prevent Toyota and its Japanese homeland from taking the checkered flag.

“Take the checkered flag on the 4th of July and you may as well take the American flag with you,” said NASCAR fan and patriotic mascot Uncle Sam, who served as honorary Grand Marshall for the race.  “Right before the race I looked Tony square in the eye and I told him ‘I want you, to win a race for me on my birthday.’  I pointed at him just like I do on my poster and told him that’s the greatest gift anyone could give me.  Man, if I had only known.  Tony oughta get a poster of his own.  I’m damn sure giving him my red, white and blue top hat.”

Facing long odds against two Toyota attackers, Stewart was immediately taken under siege on a late race restart.  Able only to beat one of the foreign fueled foes back, Stewart hung strong and managed to keep one of the vehicles, the #18 Interstate Batteries Toyota driven by American Kyle Busch, within his sights.

“Tony was blindsided by the sheer nerve it takes to pull off such an attack,” said Stuttlecock.  “It only took a second for Tony to realize what he had to do.  He could see the finish line coming fast so Tony put a nose to that pesky Japanese ride and let him take a little detour into the wall.  Is he a hero?  Maybe.  A patriot?  Absolutely.  Tony Stewart is a national treasure.”

Although the Japanese are best known for their surprise attacks on Pearl Harbor and the American electronics industry, NASCAR admits to being caught off guard by the brazen attack.

“I’m familiar with their kamikaze and ninja tactics and the like but to use American drivers behind the wheel really caught me by surprise.  I never saw it coming.  I wasn’t even aware Toyotas were racing in NASCAR until last night,” reveals NASCAR President’s Mike Helton’s mustache.

“Believe you me, I know they are here now.  Toyota in NASCAR, imagine that.  What’s next the US Government putting cars in the field?  What’ll they call that?  Government Motors?  That’ll be the day.”