They hang in auto shops across the country.  Proudly displayed between tool boxes, leering sexily at the grease monkeys that hung them there, they are girlie pictures.  Shrines to scantily clad women and the hard working men that adore them, the girlie picture is a fixture in most places where men hang out and get dirty.  Whether it’s a Playboy centerfold, a beer ad featuring girls in bikinis or a page from the JC Penney bra catalog, the girlie picture inspires hard work from men because they always know she is watching them.  NASCAR garages are no exception but one race team has eyes for only one girl. 

“Round here we’ve always had a thing for Danica Patrick you know?” said Master Fabricator for Stewart Haas Racing, Thurwood Finkster.  “I have a whole mess of her pictures right up there on my toolbox just above the Jegs sticker and below the pictures of my kids.  She’s a dream for guys like me.  A chick that likes to race but loves to take her clothes off.  She’s an inspiration to me because I like those same things.”

Under Patrick’s watchful eye this season, both drivers for the team are poised to make the Chase for the Cup in their first season.

“Behind every great man is a great woman,” said National Organization for Women Director of Exploitation of Women Shirley Binkle.  “Under normal circumstances we would oppose the blatant objectification of women by publicly displaying the female form in various states of undress, but given the hot working conditions and grime that is the norm in these workplaces we do believe it makes sense for limited clothing to be worn.  We are proud that women have a role to play in these places and if the men working in these conditions choose to derive inspiration by posting these pictures then they do so with our blessing.”

But the men at Stewart Haas Racing have taken the ogling of the girlie picture a step further, they hired the girl.

“Sitting and looking at the pictures of Danica day after day got a little old,” said Finkster.  “I told Tony that pictures ain’t gonna cut the mustard.  We gotta go get ourselves the real thing.”

And get the real thing they did, reportedly.  According to some reports, Patrick is in negotiations to run a limited Nationwide Series schedule in 2010.

“I’m pleased as punch that we’ll have us a real flesh and blood woman running around the shop,” said Jack Official for Stewart Haas Racing Larry Hodges.  “I only hope that she doesn’t walk through the front door planning to objectify me like I have her over the past few years.  I’m real uncomfortable taking my shirt off in front on women on account of my hairy back and all.  But if Danica asks me I’ll tell you I’d have a real hard time saying no.”