In one of the great wuss moves of all time, NASCAR announced this week it is moving qualifying for the Daytona 500 to February 6^th, since the NFL’s so-called Super Bowl was pushed back one week to Feb. 7^th.

“It feels so good to punk NASCAR, ahahahaha,” tweeted Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad SeisNueve.  “We can put the SuperBowl anywhere we want.  I told the commissioner to set it right on top of Jeff Gordon’s house.  Child, please!”

Mike Helton’s Moustache left no doubt that he is completely scared of Roger Goodell’s clean-shaved upper lip.  “Um, this is, er, even better than having qualifying where we, uh, intended to have it on Sunday, cause, er, the Super Bowl of football is on our Sunday now and, eh, I want to watch the Super Bowl,” the Moustache said.

So instead of going head-to-head with the Super Bowl of Racing’s younger, lamer brother, the Super Bowl of American Football, NASCAR has elected to squeeze qualifying, the first ARCA race of the season and the Budweiser Shootout into the same day like a trio of A/V nerds shoved into the same locker.

New concerns are already sprouting up in NASCAR HQ that the season’s early races may conflict with professional bowling events scheduled for Sundays in late February and early March.  “We’re giving a lot of consideration to moving NASCAR to Wednesday nights – ah – dang it, that’s going to conflict with PTA meetings.  Tuesday mornings, then, oh, that’s when everyone want to go to Starbucks together.  Shoot, shoot, sugar shoot!” said Delbert Scholes, NASCAR Commissioner of Wetting His Pants.  Scholes finally settled on a time slot between 3:00 and 7:00 a.m. on a Thursday when the first ten races of the year could be run simultaneously and without stepping on any toes.  “There’s a tennis tournament in Sweden that morning, but I guess some people are just going to have to make tough choices.”

In other news, the Super Bowl took NASCAR’s lunch money on the way to school today, Tony Romo backed into Tony Stewart’s car in a parking lot and didn’t leave a note, and Tom Brady told Clint Bowyer to go deep for a pass, and just kept waving him deeper and deeper and, when he was really far away, simply went back inside his house without ever throwing him the ball.  Sike!