First off, I think if you name your beloved pet parrot Mikey then you are just asking for trouble.  But evidently avid bird hunter Dennis Zeglin didn’t think this would be a problem and went ahead and pulled the trigger, literally.  You see, Dennis’ bird…..hold on, Dennis’ wife’s bird was engaging in some idle useless chitchat during last season’s Pocono 500.  Long story short, Dennis had enough, shot the bird with a BB gun and killed it, wife comes home, BLAMES DENNIS FOR THE WHOLE THING, gets mad and calls the cops, Dennis gets arrested, charged, and blah blah blah law stuff. 

I’ve summed it up fairly well below, but if you care to read more have at it:

http://cbs3.com/local/New.Jersey.Parrot.2.1466110.html

I think I’ll probably just side with Dennis on this one even though he probably could have just taped or glued the beak shut in a much more humane manner.  Maybe he could have even moved the bird into a different room or just tossed the bird out the window for a little taste of freedom.  Oh well, I wasn’t there and it’s too late now.  Dennis doesn’t like to be disturbed during a race any more than the next guy but in Mikey’s defense, at least he is incapable of shamelessly hawking NAPA Auto Parts or pleading for you to get your butt down to Aaron’s and rent that big screen you’ve been hankerin’ for just in time for the Daytona 500.  Imagine how annoying that would be to listen to during a race.  Oh wait, we don’t have to thanks to Mikey Waltrip.  I think I would turn the volume off on the tv, put the screeching parrot right next to my ears and then have it put pins in my eyeballs with his beak.  That sounds more enjoyable than watching a commercial break full of Mikey Waltrip thwarting all attempts for others to drive the Dream Machine. 

In hindsight Dennis should have taught the parrot a few words.  Parrot talk is probably pretty annoying no matter how you cut it but it makes it a whole lot more tolerable if it’s telling you how good your farts smell or that you are blessed in the britches. 

Enough about Dennis, let’s talk about me for a second.  All I hear when Mikey, the driver, speaks is screeching so I don’t know what drove Dennis so mad that fateful day.  Matter of fact, it’s probably that kind of unrelenting squawking and less focus on driving that sends Mikey Waltrip into the wall nearly week in and week out.  ZING!  Back to Dennis, I’ll bet he misses Mikey now.  Who doesn’t love having a pet bird?  I don’t have one but I can only imagine how great it is cleaning up poop off the bottom of the cage and trying to keep that goddamn thing from flying away every time you open the door to feed it.  Sounds like a lot of fun. 

In closing, I think Mikey probably died for a good cause because that wife probably left him after he shot her bird.  If he thought Mikey’s screeching was bad, can you imagine what that wife sounded like when she came home?  Good gravy!  Jail must seem like a vacation.  Dennis, I hope your cell mate isn’t a Jeff Gordon fan.