To: NASCAR Nationwide Series Drivers and Crew
From: Mike Helton
Date: April 18, 2008
RE: This Weekend’s Race In Mexico City
Aloha amigos! That’s Mexican for “hello friends!” I picked that up on Sesame Street last week when I was learning some more letters and numbers.

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Buzzard Cocktosten of Black Flagged Online recently sat down with Boris Said’s afro to get a little insight on what it’s like being the most famous hairstyle in the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series.
BFO: So, Mr. Afro, is it okay if we call you that?
Mr. Afro: Sure, you can call me whatever you want playa’s, I […]

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Due to an unexplained break in the NASCAR race schedule, Cedar Creek resident and known apostate Wade Trembley is expected to be dragged to his local Baptist church by his wife this Sunday.
Wade confided to blackflaggedonline that he simply didn’t anticipate the off weekend so closely on the heels of Easter.  “I usually have an excuse cooked […]

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Just because the sissies at NASCAR have to get their beautyrest and make sure their precious haulers get across the country safely doesn’t mean ole Harley is going to set aside his competitive streak for a whole Saturday night and Sunday morning.
Welcome to the Splash & Go garage. It’s out back where the old […]

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Patrick Carpentier chalked up a 33rd place finish in Saturday night’s Subway Fresh Fit 500 thanks to a happy coincidence: the Phoenix race is one of a few “500’s” not measured in miles or laps, but rather kilometers.
All of the telemetry in the Canadian’s LifeLock Dodge is set to metric measurements in order to meet […]

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Mike Helton today responded to criticism leveled at him by team owners with typical aplomb, by scowling at them and making a crude gensture involving his middle finger.
One team owner confided to blackflaggedonline.com: “The scowl is pretty much a permanent thing, but the finger, I’ve never seen that before. That’s an encouraging sign we might […]

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Ronnie Donberg has been to NASCAR races before but had never been invited to a tailgate party until last weekend’s Samsung 500 at Texas Speedway. It was there, in the parking lot, that Donberg (known as Ron-Don at the Sears automotive department in which he works) became extremely agitated that he was the subject […]

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Sturgis Hambone used to spend his Saturdays kicked back and enjoying Busch Series racing and downing some cold Busch beers.  Those were days he remembers fondly.  But those days are gone.  Now Hambone spends his Saturdays enjoying the same Busch beer but now he watches Nationwide Series racing.  A practice that Hambone says leaves him […]

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Think you got the lyrical skills to match wits with MC Phoenix?
Post your own rap below and get in on the battle.
Well looky here looky here MC Phoenix is back
Best respect my hometown cuz other places is whack
I’m gonna get in my whip and flip all da switches
Fill up my cooler and gather my bitches

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Have you ever had at boner at a NASCAR race?  Don’t worry, you’re not the only one.  How do you think Ol’ Splash and Go got the nickname “Sweatpants Boner?” Guy’s pop one on a regular basis at the race.  It is a natural thing.  Being at the track is a natural aphrodisiac just like […]

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The crew of the 42 Texaco Havoline car continues to struggle with a severe language barrier that has negatively affected the performance of Juan Pablo Montoya’s Dodge Charger this season.
Montoya, who much prefers going slow in front of another driver to driving fast on his own, has lately had difficulty with the concept of […]

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