Mark Martin’s win at Phoenix International Raceway last Saturday night was a remarkable feat.  For someone his age to win at the Sprint Cup level shows that age is not a factor when it comes to success on the Sprint Cup circuit.  Martin’s win, while certainly a boost to his championship […]

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If you’re like most NASCAR fans, you’ve been wondering what isn’t illegal in Vermont.  The bastion of liberal lawmaking has again shocked the rest of the nation by making it legal for a grown man to become a fan of NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon.
“Shoooo-weee,” said Mid-South resident Dudley Dunderbuckets.  “Shoooo-weee.”

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A choking Phoenix man learned the hard way this weekend that Dr. Jerry Bonkowski isn’t the kind of doctor he through he was after a turkey leg bone became lodged in his throat.
“I was gagging like a straight guy in the Haight-Ashbury on that legbone when I saw Dr. Bonkowski […]

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With the onset of spring, noses are running faster than Rousch-Fenway Fords all over the country.  No one is more aware of the perils of allergy season than fans of Carl Edwards, who disdian their number one driver’s apparent allergy to winning Sprint Cup races.

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Every Texan worth his brisket is buzzing over the suggestion that the hang-low state may secede from the Union over the relentless imposition of federal powers that exceed Constitutional authority vested in the states by the 10th Amendment, daggumit.  But plenty of big-buckled cowpokes are singing a different tune in […]

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When Cletus Buckgutter’s family left for church on Easter Sunday they did so without him.  Buckgutter, although a devout Christian, does not recognize Easter as a religious holiday.  Instead, Buckgutter celebrates a little known holiday known as Little E-ster.  But unfortunately for Buckgutter, Little E-ster didn’t come this year.
“Little E-ster […]

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To: NASCAR Nationwide Series Drivers and Crew
From: Mike Helton
Date: April 18, 2008
RE: This Weekend’s Race In Mexico City
Aloha amigos! That’s Mexican for “hello friends!” I picked that up on Sesame Street last week when I was learning some more letters and numbers.

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Buzzard Cocktosten of Black Flagged Online recently sat down with Boris Said’s afro to get a little insight on what it’s like being the most famous hairstyle in the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series.
BFO: So, Mr. Afro, is it okay if we call you that?
Mr. Afro: Sure, you can call me whatever you want playa’s, I […]

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Due to an unexplained break in the NASCAR race schedule, Cedar Creek resident and known apostate Wade Trembley is expected to be dragged to his local Baptist church by his wife this Sunday.
Wade confided to blackflaggedonline that he simply didn’t anticipate the off weekend so closely on the heels of Easter.  “I usually have an excuse cooked […]

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Just because the sissies at NASCAR have to get their beautyrest and make sure their precious haulers get across the country safely doesn’t mean ole Harley is going to set aside his competitive streak for a whole Saturday night and Sunday morning.
Welcome to the Splash & Go garage. It’s out back where the old […]

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Patrick Carpentier chalked up a 33rd place finish in Saturday night’s Subway Fresh Fit 500 thanks to a happy coincidence: the Phoenix race is one of a few “500’s” not measured in miles or laps, but rather kilometers.
All of the telemetry in the Canadian’s LifeLock Dodge is set to metric measurements in order to meet […]

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Mike Helton today responded to criticism leveled at him by team owners with typical aplomb, by scowling at them and making a crude gensture involving his middle finger.
One team owner confided to blackflaggedonline.com: “The scowl is pretty much a permanent thing, but the finger, I’ve never seen that before. That’s an encouraging sign we might […]

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Ronnie Donberg has been to NASCAR races before but had never been invited to a tailgate party until last weekend’s Samsung 500 at Texas Speedway. It was there, in the parking lot, that Donberg (known as Ron-Don at the Sears automotive department in which he works) became extremely agitated that he was the subject […]

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Sturgis Hambone used to spend his Saturdays kicked back and enjoying Busch Series racing and downing some cold Busch beers.  Those were days he remembers fondly.  But those days are gone.  Now Hambone spends his Saturdays enjoying the same Busch beer but now he watches Nationwide Series racing.  A practice that Hambone says leaves him […]

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Think you got the lyrical skills to match wits with MC Phoenix?
Post your own rap below and get in on the battle.
Well looky here looky here MC Phoenix is back
Best respect my hometown cuz other places is whack
I’m gonna get in my whip and flip all da switches
Fill up my cooler and gather my bitches

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