If you’re like me (and isn’t pretty much everyone?) then your elbows are getting sore from poking all those heirs and heiresses out of your way at church.  As the Dow goes down, my place of worship fills up.  And boy are those pews full.  Now I know why they called […]

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If you’re like me, you’ve been thinking about the upcoming Sprint Cup season for five months and saving up for it for five days.  You and I both know that the nickles and dimes rattling around in the bottom of your gun safe aren’t liable to stay put.  I’m in there twice a […]

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Man, there ain’t no party like a Dirtburger party and a Dirtburger party ain’t fun.
At my house over the holidays, we spend most of our time trying to solve a two-part equation.  (1) Which kid pooped his pants/broke Uncle Fat Sandy’s vintage ashtray/stole a beer and (2) Who that kid […]

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If you’re like me, the only activity that even comes close to drinking on Race Day is eating on Race Day.  It doesn’t matter what it is or who makes it — the only things that matter are how much does it cost and how much is there of it.
Now, I […]

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As my company departed Saigon in 1973, the words of our commander echoed in my ear: you can’t win them all.  Racing is much the same.  You can’t go to every race.  Not even Kyle Petty can do that.
Some weekends you have to take in the race on the most […]

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Coupla’ weeks ago, some nice young college girl came to my door and asked what I was going to do for the erection.  “Which erection?” I asked her.  “The November erection,” she told me.  “Well, shoot,” I said, “I usually don’t plan so far ahead for erections.” 
Then this pretty little thing told […]

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Gather ’round, boys and girls!  Fat Sandy is a proud man — not too proud to tell you that he often wakes up with cottonmouth, blood on the front of his Skynard t-shirt and only a vague recollection of fast cars going around in circles the night before.
Like most fans, I […]

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If I were you, I’d find out where Fat Sandy is sitting at the race and make plans to watch it from some other section.  You remember how attendance is down at NASCAR?  I’ll take credit for that.
I hate nothing more than pulling in to my bleacher row and seeing a […]

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Listen up, young pups of the tailgate.  Fat Sandy is about to impart some wisdom to all you fellas who get bossed around by a bunch of teenagers with orange mesh jerseys and authoritative hand gestures.  You’re behind the wheel of that F-250 — and you ought to be the son-of-a-gun […]

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I used to take everything I heard on the picture tube with a grain of salt.  Them advertising types ain’t gonna pull one over on old Fat Sandy Dirtburger.  I figure them folks would tell me just about anything to get their hands on my hard earned consumer dollar.  In one […]

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It’s time for old Fat Sandy to come clean, I’m a Biffle guy.  After Biffle’s recent run here, I got to thinkin’, what makes a person choose a particular driver to cheer for?  I ain’t too sure what goes into it but I know there’s a lot of folks out there […]

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Is there such a thing as too much innuendo?  I think not.  Observe.
Man, those NASCAR reporter lady folk sure get my motor runnin’.
Them ladies can lube my chasis any old time they want.
Shoooooo whee, I wouldn’t send them off pit road with a loose lug nut.
They can pull my windshield tear off if they promise […]

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It seems the chickens have come home to roost, whatever the hell that means.  I’m not going to argue with any of you about the proper uses of old adages because my mind has been drained of brain cells.  Brain cell depletion is a common side effect of years of heavy moonshine abuse but according […]

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An off week provides a wonderful opportunity for shameless self promotion and Black Flagged Online is never one to miss such a chance.  We have started a little vanity project for ourselves over at Facebook with a Fans of Black Flagged Online group:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=17841884935
I know we are making a leap and assuming that there are actually […]

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A lot of times I can feel their eyes burning right through me, undressing me, savoring every inch of my generous girth, dreaming of combing my back hair with their fingers, eating whipped cream out of places I haven’t been able to reach in years.  I’m talking about men who like what they see when […]

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