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Entries Tagged as 'Fat Sandy Dirtburger'

Fat Sandy Hits the Holy Time

March 31st, 2009 · 2 Comments

If you’re like me (and isn’t pretty much everyone?) then your elbows are getting sore from poking all those heirs and heiresses out of your way at church.  As the Dow goes down, my place of worship fills up.  And boy are those pews full.  Now I know why they called […]

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Tags: Fat Sandy Dirtburger · Martinsville (Spring)

Fat Sandy’s Economic Crisis

February 9th, 2009 · 2 Comments

If you’re like me, you’ve been thinking about the upcoming Sprint Cup season for five months and saving up for it for five days.  You and I both know that the nickles and dimes rattling around in the bottom of your gun safe aren’t liable to stay put.  I’m in there twice a […]

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Tags: Budweiser Shootout (Daytona) · Fat Sandy Dirtburger

Fat Sandy’s Blue Christmas

December 30th, 2008 · 1 Comment

Man, there ain’t no party like a Dirtburger party and a Dirtburger party ain’t fun.
At my house over the holidays, we spend most of our time trying to solve a two-part equation.  (1) Which kid pooped his pants/broke Uncle Fat Sandy’s vintage ashtray/stole a beer and (2) Who that kid […]

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Tags: Fat Sandy Dirtburger

Fat Sandy Fires Up the Grill

November 7th, 2008 · 1 Comment

If you’re like me, the only activity that even comes close to drinking on Race Day is eating on Race Day.  It doesn’t matter what it is or who makes it — the only things that matter are how much does it cost and how much is there of it.
Now, I […]

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Tags: Fat Sandy Dirtburger · Phoenix (Fall)

Fat Sandy Stays Home

October 31st, 2008 · 1 Comment

As my company departed Saigon in 1973, the words of our commander echoed in my ear: you can’t win them all.  Racing is much the same.  You can’t go to every race.  Not even Kyle Petty can do that.
Some weekends you have to take in the race on the most […]

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Tags: Fat Sandy Dirtburger · Texas (Fall)

Why the Election Matters to NASCAR: Fat Sandy Endorses for President

October 28th, 2008 · 1 Comment

Coupla’ weeks ago, some nice young college girl came to my door and asked what I was going to do for the erection.  “Which erection?” I asked her.  “The November erection,” she told me.  “Well, shoot,” I said, “I usually don’t plan so far ahead for erections.” 
Then this pretty little thing told […]

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Tags: Fat Sandy Dirtburger · Texas (Fall)

Fat Sandy Gits Some Souvenirs

October 24th, 2008 · No Comments

Gather ’round, boys and girls!  Fat Sandy is a proud man — not too proud to tell you that he often wakes up with cottonmouth, blood on the front of his Skynard t-shirt and only a vague recollection of fast cars going around in circles the night before.
Like most fans, I […]

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Tags: Atlanta (Fall) · Fat Sandy Dirtburger

Take a Seat with Fat Sandy

October 17th, 2008 · No Comments

If I were you, I’d find out where Fat Sandy is sitting at the race and make plans to watch it from some other section.  You remember how attendance is down at NASCAR?  I’ll take credit for that.
I hate nothing more than pulling in to my bleacher row and seeing a […]

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Tags: Fat Sandy Dirtburger · Martinsville (Fall)

Race Day Parking the Fat Sandy Way

October 10th, 2008 · No Comments

Listen up, young pups of the tailgate.  Fat Sandy is about to impart some wisdom to all you fellas who get bossed around by a bunch of teenagers with orange mesh jerseys and authoritative hand gestures.  You’re behind the wheel of that F-250 — and you ought to be the son-of-a-gun […]

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Tags: Fat Sandy Dirtburger · Lowe's (Fall)

Fat Sandy Went Shopping

October 3rd, 2008 · 1 Comment

I used to take everything I heard on the picture tube with a grain of salt.  Them advertising types ain’t gonna pull one over on old Fat Sandy Dirtburger.  I figure them folks would tell me just about anything to get their hands on my hard earned consumer dollar.  In one […]

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Tags: Fat Sandy Dirtburger · Talladega (Fall)

True NASCAR Stories From Fat Sandy Dirtburger

September 23rd, 2008 · 4 Comments

It’s time for old Fat Sandy to come clean, I’m a Biffle guy.  After Biffle’s recent run here, I got to thinkin’, what makes a person choose a particular driver to cheer for?  I ain’t too sure what goes into it but I know there’s a lot of folks out there […]

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Tags: Dover Fall · Fat Sandy Dirtburger

Fat Sandy Ranks The Hottest Ladies Of NASCAR! Well, The Hottest Ladies Associated In Some Way But Not Necessarily Involved With NASCAR At Least

September 8th, 2008 · 6 Comments

Is there such a thing as too much innuendo?  I think not.  Observe.
Man, those NASCAR reporter lady folk sure get my motor runnin’.
Them ladies can lube my chasis any old time they want.
Shoooooo whee, I wouldn’t send them off pit road with a loose lug nut.
They can pull my windshield tear off if they promise […]

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Tags: Fat Sandy Dirtburger · Random

Holy Sh@t! I’m Losing To Dan Beaver by Fat Sandy Dirtburger

August 28th, 2008 · 2 Comments

It seems the chickens have come home to roost, whatever the hell that means.  I’m not going to argue with any of you about the proper uses of old adages because my mind has been drained of brain cells.  Brain cell depletion is a common side effect of years of heavy moonshine abuse but according […]

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Tags: Fat Sandy Dirtburger · Random

Fat Sandy Dirtburger Wants To Know If Black Flagged Online Actually Has Fans

July 17th, 2008 · 6 Comments

An off week provides a wonderful opportunity for shameless self promotion and Black Flagged Online is never one to miss such a chance.  We have started a little vanity project for ourselves over at Facebook with a Fans of Black Flagged Online group:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=17841884935
I know we are making a leap and assuming that there are actually […]

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Tags: Chicagoland · Fat Sandy Dirtburger

This Happens To Me All The Time by Fat Sandy Dirtburger

July 16th, 2008 · 1 Comment

A lot of times I can feel their eyes burning right through me, undressing me, savoring every inch of my generous girth, dreaming of combing my back hair with their fingers, eating whipped cream out of places I haven’t been able to reach in years.  I’m talking about men who like what they see when […]

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Tags: Chicagoland · Fat Sandy Dirtburger

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