My Dearest Glen:
It’s been quite some time since I’ve spent some quality with you. Almost a full year now. I want you to know that I have missed you and that I’ll be back for you this weekend. Some people have been saying that I’m scared to get too close to other […]

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Dear Mr. Gates,
I can’t begin to express how angry I am with you and your Microsoft Outlook product. When typing an email to a friend and fellow Greg Biffle, driver of the #16 3M Ford, fan the spell checker changed the last name of Mr. Biffle to “baffle.”
My dictionary defines “baffle” as […]

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Dear Mr. Mike Helton:
I am the driver of the unnumbered yellow Chevy pace car. You may have seen me circling the track during cautions. It seems to have gone unnoticed by NASCAR, however, that under those conditions I am in fact leading the field. I believe I’m due some laps-led bonus points and […]

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Dear Yahoo Fantasy NASCAR Experts aka Messrs. Smartypantses (Jerry Bonkowski, Dan Beaver, Ricky Craven and Bob Margolis):
Ouch. Sorry about that but it hurts to type this letter. Now, before you stop reading this letter out of concern for my well being to send me some home remedies, I should point out […]

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Dear NASCAR President Helton:
We (Meaning just me), the undersigned, call on NASCAR President Mike Helton and NASCAR Chairman Brian France to vote in favor of my proposal to redesign me to include a fourth turn.
As you already know, NASCAR races take place predominantly on oval tracks that have four turns and I only have three. […]

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Dear Dan Beaver,
I am writing on behalf of race fans and Yahoo! Fantasy NASCAR devotees everywhere when I ask you to stop putting Hendrick motorsports drivers into your fantasy lineup. I am extremely worried you are going to kill one of them in the weekly wrecks that bear an uncanny similarity to your “predictions.”
At Daytona, […]

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Dear Wally Dallenbach, Jr.:I have the unfortunate duty to report to you that the world is taking a Keystone Beer-can-sized crap on Wally Dallenbach, Jr.

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Dear Messrs. Smartypantses (Jerry Bonkowski, Dan Beaver, Ricky Craven and Bob Margolis): As this year’s season of Fantasy NASCAR winds down, I want to thank you all for your so-called “experts” picks. Boy howdy, do you all know how to blow a fantasy cylinder.

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