HITCHIN’ POST
Ladies Seeking Fellers
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Be My Lucky Dog — I’m looking for a man who enjoys exercise and eating right to help me get my lap back.
I drive stick shift, and I got a greasy gear box. Any questions?
I should tell you that I suffer from a rare disorder that causes me to gestate a baby in only seven months as opposed to the ordinary nine. Should be nothin’ to worry about, but you might want to go ring shoppin’ if you have the time beforehand.
You were probably too busy shotgunning beers to notice lil’ ole me, but next time a sexy woman like me grabs her ankles so’s you can see her 88 AND her 8 tattoos, that’s an invitation to dinner.
To the handsome young man directing cars in the
A big thank you to the gentleman who helped pull me out of the portable toilet on Saturday afternoon. I maybe let myself go a little bit these last couple of years, but if I could get in there, you sure would think I’d be able to get back out. You were a real white knight for a whole lotta woman in distress.
To my boyfriend Donnie — I just want you to know I got home OK last night after walking home from the
Ladies Seeking Ladies
This ain’t a lady, but my name’s Rufus and I’d shore like to watch.
Fellers Seeking Ladies
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Dear Michael Waltrip’s grandma: You are obviously the inspiration for Michael Waltrip’s driving style — I just want to meet the woman behind the man behind the wheel.
I’ll Drive You Wild If You’ll Drive Me to McDonald’s… Following a little misunderstanding with the law, my driving privileges have been suspended by the great state of Alabama. Help me fulfill my drive-thru Double-Quarter-Pounder-with-Cheese needs, take me to my court-mandated meetings, and my heart will belong to you.
Lookin’ for a nice lady companion. Only two requirements: First name must be Shannon. Last name must be Spake.
I am available and willing to marry if you can get me tickets to the August Bristol race. I am young, have no inhibitions and no job. I am looking for a tick thighed, blonde girl who has a ba-donka-donk butt. I will even give you a ride to the race on the back of my bike if the tickets include pit passes.
I ain’t so good at math, but U+I = Watkins Glen Make out session the Saturday before the race. I’ll be the one with a fire burning at my camp site. YOU MUST BE FEMALE! Shemales will get consideration if you are hot and have a nice rack.
Wanna meet a man who takes risks? Meet me in Parking Lot 9 at Chicagoland this weekend. I’ll be there with my spray painted 89’ conversion van and a rag with ether on it.
All you eligible man-hounds out there, I’m looking for someone to talk to, take walks with, meet your folks and — maybe in a few weeks if all goes well with the talking and walking — settle down and get married. Shoo-wee — just kidding! Got your hopes up though, didn’t I?
Missed Connection — you were selling those greasy, delicious turkey legs at
I ain’t seekin’ a lady for romantic reasons — I’m looking for the fat one that sat on my picnic chair and broke it. I don’t give a damn how tired you were from walking up to the track, you just don’t do that. You’d better steal me a new one.
Dear Delana Harvick — I had this crazy dream last night that I went over to your house in the middle of the day. I knocked on the door and you answered it in a blue string bikini. You told me, “Kevin’s out racin’. Come on in.” If you had the same dream, my name’s Billy, though I doubt you could forget that as many times as you screamed it out in your subconscious.
Ladies Seeking Fellers
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I’m watching the Nationwide race and ovulating next Saturday night, if any of my husband’s friends want to come over after he passes out.
Any of you boys who is man enough to see where my skidding tire tracks tattoo ends up is welcome to take me for a spin.
Spring fling? I’m looking for a man to fool around with in a short-term relationship while I wait for Matt Martin to turn 17. Hurry up, Matt! The only thing you do too slow is age!
You were driving up 77N in a #88 AMP Trailer, I threw my panties at your windshield. I was wondering if you could deliver those to Dale Jr.?
Ordinarily, I don’t date millionaires, but for Ryan Newman, I’ll make a “sexception.”
In the market to marry? I’d love to meet a successful farmer with a large supply of anydrous ammonia on hand, preferably situated near a national forest or state park.
Looking for a man to get my heart racin’. I’m not a plus size model, but I wear the same sexy clothes they do. Plus, I can eat a barbecued chicken faster than you can suppress your gag reflex.
You were wearing a red & white firesuit, standing on pit road at
Lara-Lynn, if you dare read this lookin’ for man-meat I swear I’m gonna find out and come with a whoopin’ for you.
Missing: one good-looking man, no shirt, no shoes, no inhibitions. I was in line behind you at the Pocono porta-pots when you took a dump in there. Everyone else got in another line but me.
I’m just horny as all get out, and I want to bag me a real racin’ fan man. If you want to meet me at your next tailgate, put up a Dale Jr. flag and right underneath it, put the Stars & Bars. I’ll find you.
Fellers Seeking Ladies
Older Posts
Saw you at
Free baby to any woman who can ingest more GhB-laced beer than me.
I saw you on top of a RV at the stroke of midnight last week in the infield. When you removed your top, I removed my wedding ring and made my way towards you with my flashlight on your chest. By the time I got to your RV the cops hauled you away. I think I love you and hope to see you at the
Hey there sexy lady, you were wearing a tight M&M’s fire suit in victory lane after the
MISSED CONNECTION — You were going into Daytona this Sunday dressed in hotpants and a lazy tube top. I was trying to look down your shirt when I racked my junk on the turnstile. I’m sure you heard me doubled over and groaning. I want you to know you can hear that sound again any time you like.
I’m lookin’ for a simple woman. Must love to cook and clean in the confined spaces of a double-wide trailer. Skills requested: good memory for remembering whether my last burp was better than my record loudest; social skills for entertaining friends and “strangers with friend potential”; excellent negotiator to defuse potentially violent situations involving local, state, federal law enforcement. Able to take a punch. That’s all I ask.
DESPERATELY SEEKING REPLACEMENT FOR MOM — My mother unexpectedly passed away last month and her house is just so lonely without her. I had a neighbor turn the oven on for me so I can throw in a frozen pizza whenever I get hungry, but I’ve done almost all my whitie-tighties right-side-in and inside out. In addition to the free shelter, I can throw all her clothes and her Hummel collection into the bargain.
I was stealin’ beers from coolers out of the backs of pickup trucks during the Richmond Spring race in ’07 when we met. You were passed out cold leaning against the right rear tire and missing one of your flip flops. I felt you up a little and then moseyed along, but I still think about you.
If you’re that pretty one blue eye/one brown eye girl from the Coca-Cola 600, please e-mail me.
My name is Dale Earnhardt, Jr., and I am just looking for someone who enjoys the same things I do – namely, NASCAR, spending lots of my money, and romance. Because I am so famous, do not be alarmed if when we meet I am disguised as a fat, bearded trucker.
LOST – Two redneck women who answer to the names, “Fast and Loose.”
Sunbather babe, call me! Stretched out in that lawn chair and spillin’ beer on your generous thighs, you distracted me for half of my tailgatin’. With two-thirds of your t-shirt stuffed between your stomach and your boobs, I couldn’t tell which driver you support, but I’d like to check your garage to find out.
